


grey

by Inky_moro



Series: Anno Uno Scribere [119]
Category: Unus Annus - Fandom
Genre: Anno Uno Scribere, Contemplative Poetry, Inspired By: What Does Astrology Say About Our Friendships, Mar 12, Memento mori, Poetry, Unus Annus, but then it goes introspective and shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 19:14:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30009645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inky_moro/pseuds/Inky_moro
Summary: they mix together now,black and whitehave been turnedinto a wonderful
Series: Anno Uno Scribere [119]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016157
Kudos: 1





	grey

The signs of the stars 

I do not know very much about

for, like many things

it seems that the stars contain infinite complexities 

and one has to devote themselves entirely to something 

even if only briefly 

in order to understand all the infinite complexities that such a thing

would contain, and have within it 

I do not have an understanding of things 

that I do not devote time toward understanding

I exist in extremes

or, at least, that is the way it feels, and how it seems to me 

for me, it is all or nothing 

zero or two-hundred percent

there is some middle ground 

where my mindset seems to shift in the middle of doing something I was devoted to 

and something that I was passionate about

becomes something about which I could easily care less

so the middle is just the mixture of extremes

something that starts out inspired

something that has a very clear direction in the beginning 

but then it goes off script 

something in the mindset changes 

and the tone shifts 

and it becomes a  ~~ ‘worthless piece of shit’ ~~

-something that is not quite my best work, to say the least

I dislike it as a whole

but I do appreciate the inspired moments

where the rhythm of the words is heard in my heart 

and the text flows freely from my fingertips 

it all seems to make sense in that moment

but then

the moment passes 

and I have to force it, in a sense

it flows a bit 

but it doesn’t quite fit like it could 

so I can have my greatest pride 

and my worst failure 

all wrapped up into one, 

horribly messy package 

which is great

and terrible

and great,

and fucking terrible

I don’t know how to feel about my ‘failures’ anymore

they could be better, I suppose

but I think I’ve started to develop a ‘good enough’ mindset

and maybe that is a good thing

but I’m not too sure 

the perfectionism still comes and goes 

it is one of the extremes after all 

I think I’m slowly accepting that not everything I do has to be 

brilliant,

beautiful,

or 

perfect

but I know that I can do better than I am doing

because I have done better before

and I probably need to do better

I’m not doing terrible by the standard of average

but I have never been truly average before 

and I don’t know what to do about it 

I have not always been the best

and I have accepted that I probably don’t have the dedication that the so-called ‘best’ do 

I am acceptable 

Sometimes I feel like I want to be better than just ‘acceptable’

but that means doing everything that they want me to, doing everything to make them happy

and I need to stop looking for validation in others, 

or in arbitrary systems of measuring success

  
  
  


The extremes, 

they mix together now 

nothing and everything 

two hundred and zero 

black and white 

have been molded

into a wonderful grey

  
  



End file.
